Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
