I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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