Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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