i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
