if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
