Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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