My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
