I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
