I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
