I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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