No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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