So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
