I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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