We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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