Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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