found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
