I'm lost and stupid without you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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