i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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