apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
