Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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