their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
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Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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