Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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