u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
