Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
