I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
