I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
