So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
