D3 body, D1 cock
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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