Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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