His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
