Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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