ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
