Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
