I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
