i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found puke in my bra..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
