yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
