I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
