Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
