Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
