I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
