fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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