If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
