What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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