Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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