she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
