so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
