the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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