A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
