Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
