I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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