This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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