dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
