I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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