ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm at about main and main street
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
