All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
