He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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