a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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