The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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