did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
