Apparently you make a good broom.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
