So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
