I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
