you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
