Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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