i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
