Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
