one might say we're banned from that church
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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