I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well