yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.