Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF