this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine