So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.