Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
