speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
