I cannot find my penis.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
