Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
