his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
