It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
