Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
