Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
