Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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