i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
her facebook's as public as her vagina
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
