I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
