Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize